It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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