It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
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I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
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Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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