I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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