I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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