Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
