I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
