woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
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she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
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It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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