margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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