And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
