Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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