I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
