I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
