We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
