I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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