tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
