His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
