we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
