I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
