Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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