we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
