I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
