I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
