Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
