8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
