you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
