I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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