You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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