her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am naked and annoyed.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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