this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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