I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
