I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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