Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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