I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
