What did we do last night that was yellow?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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