I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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