i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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