Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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