Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
