Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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