If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
