Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
