Please, let me fuck your mom
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
