A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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