I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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