P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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