I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
