i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
