I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
