so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
