I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
