I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
