Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Randomize
