i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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