I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
