Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
