I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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