DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
