arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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