I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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