I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
