At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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