I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
