I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
