Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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