Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
